High Vibration Relationships: How Valuable is Being Solo?
High Vibration Relationships: How Valuable is Being Solo?
Is there value in time alone if we want a high vibration relationship? Exploring what happens to our vibrational frequency when we're solo.
*For your listening pleasure there is also an audio version of this article read by the author. It may include a few sidebars ;)
New Year’s Eve, Bridget Jones & Dating Conundrums
It’s New Year’s Eve and I’m sick. My image of this evening included a ridiculous sequin dress I would find some way to incorporate in to my wardrobe later this year, and stilettos. Instead I have Kleenex and I’m spending the night solo. [Insert depressing music and maybe an image of Renee Zellweger home alone as Bridget Jones.]
This article is actually my attempt to be productive instead of watch The Kardashians. It’s got me thinking about the vibration of being alone. Something many of us go to great lengths to avoid, but that can seriously amplify our personal vibrational frequency, and the frequency of our romantic relationships.
In the last few days, I’ve noticed the relatable conundrums of being alone brought up by characters across books and movies. Do we keep dating someone who is a good fit (but not a great fit) if going for great means being alone?
How long should we spend processing a past relationship, or doing self work on our own, before dating again? What do we put up with in a relationship before it’s better to face the bigger fear of being alone? Do we leave someone if it puts us in a financially unstable position?
The acknowledgment that it’s SO much harder it is to break up with someone when there’s no plan B. For many of us, there is almost nothing more terrifying in life than trying to do it without backup.
Why Clinging Lowers Vibration
A gorgeous house can suddenly seem awfully big, maybe even depressing, when there’s only one person in it. When faced with an empty house many of us wouldn’t fault anyone for choosing to remain with someone good instead of great, or keep trying in a relationship that was probably over three months ago.
One of the hardest parts of life is swallowing the red pill of realization that it’s unreasonable to expect we will get better things in life while still clutching what’s not working. Proverbial closets get full.
Out of fear of being alone many of us (myself included) have tried in vain to generate “better” more resonant matches while still in relationships. I don’t believe that works the way my younger self hoped it did. I suspect the vibrational note we start a relationship with carries in to the relationship.
If we end a relationship by lining up a plan B, before we’ve let go of our old relationship, we haven’t allowed our vibration much space to evolve before getting in the new relationship. Certainly, we’ve evolved while in the relationship, but when we rush any transition out of fear we give up something in exchange for that.
Experience has taught me rushed moves usually end up being lateral moves. The variables are different so we will have a different experience, and we can still grow and have wonderful time, but there’s an alchemy that happens when we face our fear of letting go.
When we leave a relationship because we are brave enough to admit it isn’t working, and have the confidence to be on our own before something new shows up, this is cultivating the courage to let go. This courage, coupled with a trust in something better unfolding, is one of the prime ways to elevate our vibrational frequency.
Cultivating the ability to let go peacefully involves developing a different belief structure than we have when we cling to things that aren’t working out of fear. That shift in belief structures magnifies our vibrational frequency, making us a higher vibration person. This elevates the vibration of our next relationship.
The first time I tried being on my own after a relationship ended I remember walking in to my transition Airbnb and dropping to my knees with anxiety. Just me and my suitcase. What feels crippling can actually be what’s building us up.
This isn’t to say wonderful matches can’t be made if we meet someone while still in a relationship. Life just happens sometimes and we want to be gracious about that with ourselves as well. There seem to be times in life where people are sent our way to pull us out of relationships that aren’t working and it’s a blessing.
I don’t write to say we should go one way or another, but to examine the potential power to amplify our vibrational frequency being left on the table if we find ourselves going out of our way to avoid being alone. Like walking way too far around a puddle in the road… missing the fact that it could be great fun to splash in it.
The Vibrational Alchemy of Being Alone
Being backhanded by the initial experience of dating apps is alchemy. Getting up the courage to tell someone candidly they aren’t what you’re looking for instead of ghosting is alchemy.
Taking a vacation alone, ordering a solo glass of Chardonnay while dining alone, learning to cuddle with friends, figure out just what kind of couch you want, decide what you’re not willing to compromise on next time- all these tiny events are alchemy. Like flexing a muscle at the gym.
Those willing to courageously go through this solo phase of life enhance their vibration, and thus the vibrations of their future relationships.
Already in a relationship? There’s always an opportunity to do something solo that gently pushes the discomfort button just a enough to zap you in to expansion mode. I posit that anything new we learn to enjoy on our own enhances our vibration. One of the main things our vibration reflects is how much we have learned to enjoy our own company.
Being alone after a relationship is an opportunity to clean house when it comes to vibrational frequency health. The more space we allow ourselves to process a past relationship before starting a new one, the more we enter the new one with enhanced relationship skills and less emotional baggage.
I didn’t get this when I was younger; I dragged issues through a series of relationships before resolving them. I see now I could have avoided that.
This isn’t to say cultivating a high vibration relationship requires being alone.
It’s just to say we can rush to date because being alone can be damn uncomfortable at times. We can miss that there’s huge value in cleaning our vibrational frequency before starting something new. Like taking time to shower before going on a date.
You can still be hilarious and impress without a shower, but everyone appreciates someone who shows up clean.
It’s Not Just About Meeting the “Right” Person
If we want a super high vibration relationship it’s not just about meeting the “right” person. It’s about becoming the right person.
When we are on our own we have more time for introspection, solidifying goals and who we are, getting in touch with ourselves so we can later communicate what we need smoothly in relationships. We develop or own routines, hobbies, friends and lives. All of these elements amplify our vibrational frequency.
The more of ourselves we become the more we raise our vibration. High vibration relationships are about balancing personal development with finding the “right” person. Too often I suspect we blame our matches not working out on it not being the right partner, and that is partially true- but what else is true?
Solo time between relationships is our space to amplify ourselves, and our vibration. This amplification makes us more confident and magnetic when it comes time to date. When we find ourselves in a rush to skip this step, it’s actually a sign to slow down and take more time in this step.
The moment we don’t feel we need a relationship anymore is when our vibrational frequency is on fire. After that moment is when we have the best chance of meeting the “right” person.
“Solitude is the thing that will finally nurture you at the level you’ve been begging for all of your life. You’ve filled your life, whether you know it or not, with a bunch of relationships to externalize a sense of ‘I am enough.’
So you’ve taken your egoic split mind, and combined it with a bunch of other egoic split minds, to try and create a whole mind, but in so doing you created this deep codependence of identity. So as we look at solitude as an avenue, it’s this reconnection event.” ~Dr. Zach Bush
Finding a Unicorn = Alone Time
If we want a high vibration relationship we may want to accept that being alone may be a necessary part of the process for many of us.
The more we get to know ourselves the more we are in touch with what we want, and have identified certain characteristics we don’t want to compromise on. “Someone to be nice and pay attention to me” just isn’t going to cut it anymore. What we want is now becoming rare.
To wait for something rare usually means time alone. It means passing on the 6.7/10 to wait for the 8/10. It takes courage, discernment, and trust. A belief system that leans toward abundance and away from scarcity.
It’s not about being unrealistic or perfectionistic, but believing that if you’ve developed yourself into someone amazing… there’s someone else who has done the same.
Let’s Redefine What it Means to be Alone
Humans are tribal, so it’s only logical that the thought of being alone is daunting to so many of us. Hesitation to be alone can keep us from exploring the world, relationships, or just ourselves.
I’ve done some solo life rounds and still find the idea of being alone makes me shiver when applied in certain contexts. Our connotation of this word can get us stuck in lower vibration patterns, or areas of life, because our picture of being alone can look like a haunted mansion.
I’d like to redefine what it means to be alone. Alone is where Sex and the City rightly noted you develop your SSBs (secret single behaviors).
I make banana bread and eat the entire top right when it comes out of the oven.
Alone is where you finally find the time to meditate or join a softball league. Alone is where you amplify your vibration by discovering something new you love about yourself. Alone is where you go on a hike and enjoy the quiet. Alone is where you learn play an instrument (badly) or take a painting class. Alone is where you can stay up late and binge watch more of the show- or never stay up late to finish a movie ever again.
Alone often looks like a dark lonely forest in our heads. It even feels that way at times… but it also has the banana bread. I think we forget the bit about the banana bread when we are scared.
Why Alone is Amazing for Vibrational Frequency
I’m writing this today in hopes that any of you reading, thinking about making big changes in 2024 that could land you alone, don’t feel so alone. To offer some cheer that alone is amazing for your vibrational frequency. You really get to feel and experience yourself.
If it feels uncomfortable to be alone it’s often just a gentle inner pointing to something in us worth looking at. Something we may be avoiding.
Sometimes it sucks to have those things pointed out, especially without someone to give us a hug. (Believe me, I have nearly caved under that pressure before.) Yet seeing what needs resolving in us is a gift. It’s like having someone tell us there’s something in our teeth. Awkward. Yet ultimately aren’t we all thankful for that friend who speaks up?? Our vibration is like that. When we are alone we can feel what is off.
This feeling can be covered up by being around the vibrations of other people or watching TV, but do we want spinach to stay stuck in our teeth? No. It’s better to know. To have the opportunity to be alone and figure out what’s off if our own company doesn’t feel peaceful or fun.
That’s the beauty of a vibrational frequency. We can feel it. It takes some time to figure out what it has to say, but ultimately learning to feel our vibrational frequency and interpret it is a gift that will serve us incredibly well.
My wish for you in 2024 is that if you find yourself spending time alone you can see it for the opportunity to amplify your vibration that it is. Used correctly, alone time can supercharge your vibration, relationships, and the rest of your life. Happy New Year! [Insert sneeze.] The fireworks are just starting, and I had a great time being by myself with you.
If want to read more about how vibration influences relationships you may like my article on manifesting high vibration relationships, or a discussion on polyamory and the vibrational value of jealousy.