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The Power of Conflict to Wreck or Amplify Frequency
Do feelings generated by our actions affect our frequency? What happens to aggressive people? How to raise your vibration during conflict.
*For your listening pleasure there is also an audio version of this article read by the author. It may include a few sidebars ;)
How We Handle Conflict Influences Our Vibrational Frequency
I'm staying in a forested condo at a nature resort. People come here if they value quiet, fresh air, and a relaxing time connecting with nature. The person in the condo underneath me has been watching TV loudly in the middle of the night with windows wide open.
The resort is absolutely silent except for the sounds from this unit. I found myself annoyed being woken up every time this person decided to watch TV during the night, and wondered where their awareness was to see that perhaps not everyone wanted to hear their TV at 3am.
I said something to the front desk, who gave notice to this unit of quiet hours and reminded them to close windows if they wanted to watch TV during the night. Nothing changed. This person just kept doing exactly what they were doing with their windows open knowing it was disturbing. I was now highly annoyed because I've come to escape the noise of the city.
My choice became, do I enter an unofficial battle with this other guest by complaining again, or do I let it go and work on not being annoyed as a personal growth practice? What would the effects on my frequency be? Keeping a high vibration often involves handling frustrating situations with grace and self awareness.
Frequency Effects for an Antagonist
How we conduct ourselves during conflict can repeatedly move us further away from what we want if we aren’t careful. When we have not developed an awareness of how our actions affect others, (or disregard our action's known impact on others) the feelings generated in the world by our actions affect our frequency. Since life experiences conform to vibrational frequency, lowering our vibration moves us further away from what we want, as it’s typically higher vibration realities people pursue.
In this case, if this person with the TV is disruptive any time they are on vacation all the low vibration annoyance generated by their actions over time will collectively lower their frequency. They may think they are "getting their way" but there's a cost for the level of disregard needed to achieve it. This is the piece I think many people don't calculate- because it cannot be immediately seen or measured.
It's easy to overlook what is invisible. As a result, frequency has been able to fly under the radar. We can experience effects of lowering frequency, as "having bad luck" or wondering why some people don't want to hang out with us. Yet, we often can't identify the culprit because there's nothing to see.
What about people who generate large amounts of negative feelings in others, but without realizing it? For example, let's take the person who brings their speaker to the beach and plays it at high volume, drowning out anyone else's music. We'll assume they think their music is great; they love it so everyone will. No ill intent. However, I theorize this person's frequency is just as negatively affected as the person doing something annoying and knowing it.
If the behavior generates many negative feelings and low vibration emotions in others, it lowers the frequency of the person initiating the behavior. (To see which emotions are low vibration reference the emotional vibration chart here.) I posit effects on frequency are immediate. Sometimes I wonder if when Hindus first discussed karma in the Rigveda text in 1500 BCE if what they were describing was frequency in action.
The exception to this theory is if feelings generated in others aren’t coming from actual behavior from someone else, but from an individual’s filters, unprocessed trauma, inability to deal with emotions etc.
For example, Cosette compliments Astrid’s hair and means it sincerely. Astrid takes it as sarcasm because she’s touchy about her hair. She’s been teased about it numerous times before, and hasn’t addressed those hurt feelings. The memories of these hurts create a filter that distorts the present moment. Her annoyance will not lower Cosette’s frequency because she created it with her filter. Emotions generated from actions distorted by the receiver will not lower frequency.
Sometimes anger is warranted, and feeling our emotions (instead of suppression) can be a high vibration option. However, if we notice a habit of only getting angry when frustrating situations occur, it points to a place in ourselves where we can expand.
Having a low vibration can be a side effect of choosing not to develop awareness. Developing awareness and compassion for how we affect others is a strong tool to not just elevate vibration, but expand consciousness. There's value in developing awareness of the present moment, and learning to peacefully flow with other beings.
This takes more effort than only asking ourselves what we want. Awareness involves surveying a scene and imagining a few different perspectives other than our own. When awareness is developed, behavior naturally shifts toward harmony and respect, and we shift in to a higher vibration. When we act selfishly we are only hurting our own vibrational frequency.
How to Preserve (or Increase) Frequency During Conflict
People who are overly concerned with not bothering others, or people pleasing, give away power that could raise vibration. Finding a higher vibration favors balance. Standing up for ourselves when necessary, and not blinding following the directives of others also has value. Awareness of the present moment is what allows us to discern when to apply certain behaviors.
An extreme version of someone who lacks awareness is Michael Scott from The Office. He just cannot read how his behavior lands with others. Not surprisingly, Steve Carell notes, "I find things funny that aren't self-aware."
Back to my story, I asked myself, "How do I raise my vibration and deal with this?" I checked in with my body, and felt through how it would feel if I complained again the next day. This didn't feel great. I don't see value wasting energy engaging with people stuck behaving a certain way.
One of my favorite Mark Twain quotes surfaced, "Never argue with stupid people. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience." (Twain is hilarious.)
I went through an exercise of reminding myself there were things about this situation I didn't know, and coming up with ideas. I do this to remind myself the stories I'm telling about what is happening are missing context. "Maybe she doesn't understand English and couldn't read the note left by management. Maybe she is going through cancer treatments and can't sleep or hear well. Maybe the TV is on a timer, coming on by itself, and she can’t figure it out." etc.
My biggest hang up was thinking, "It's not fair rude people sometimes get their way because they are so disagreeable to deal with." Then I realized if I disengaged she might "get her way" watching TV, but that was such a minuscule win compared to the damage she's doing to her vibrational frequency to get it.
Winning Can Lower Frequency
Everyone has something they want in life. Hopes, dreams. Most of the time what we want is on a higher frequency than we currently hold, and that's why it isn't in our life. We haven't become resonant with the vibrational frequency of what we want.
Manifesting isn't about staying the same and pulling incredible things to us. Part of manifesting is acknowledging some things we want are in a higher frequency bandwidth, and thinking, "How do I invest in myself to become the person who has the frequency of what I want?"
Manifesting often involves personal growth. If this woman chooses to "win" watching loud TV at 2am, disregarding anyone else, she's like a mole burrowing her vibration into the ground when what she wants is sitting on top of the soil in the sunshine.
Developing compassion for those around her, and choosing respectful behavior would turn her burrowing upward toward becoming a high vibration person. She'd move closer to what she wants by choosing high vibration activities and behaviors that help her vibrate higher. When it comes to how to raise vibration we often want to override unhelpful inclinations we create over time from defensiveness, wounding, stored anger, and resentment. These inclinations hold us back from naturally benevolent behavior that expands frequency.
"Change happens when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change." ~Tony Robbins
Protecting Vibrational Frequency During Conflict
As far as my frequency, I took responsibility that my choice to live downtown in a major city was leading to my desperate need for silence. If my life was more balanced, silence wouldn't be so precious, and something I pay to have a few times a year. I would have more bandwidth.
The more balanced we live our lives the more patience we often have with disturbances. That said, there was no good solution here. When we deal with people who lack awareness the emotional lifting in interactions doesn't follow a normal division, and mostly lands with one party.
Would I raise my vibration by standing my ground and breaking down my reflexive want to keep interactions pleasant? Letting go and practicing flexibility and patience? I lucked out and didn't have to decide because she received house guests the next day and the behavior stopped.
Had I become anxious and argumentative with this person, the experience would not raise my vibration. Had I felt like a doormat closing my own windows at night, that would have strengthened a low vibration pattern of people pleasing. When gauging our reactions we want to find the space that feels most empowering, or the biggest stretch for ourselves.
I often react in a people pleasing way, so standing my ground is the biggest stretch, and likely where I'd go. I like to think about life as a constant expansion of our edges. Easing our comfort zone slowly outward. The more times we can practice existing with a calm nervous system during conflict, choosing authenticity and self reflection over impulsive low vibration patterns like blaming others, or caving if someone gets nasty, the more we amplify vibration. Pleasantly, this is also a path to higher consciousness. Conflict is a way to practice maintaining high vibration states under pressure. Candidly, one I’ll probably spend a lifetime mastering.
Hope to see you again soon.